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Former dermatologist, epidemiologist, now SAS programmer, R programmer, Python programmer, love biostatistics, adore biking and swimming. Expertise: SAS, R, Spotfire, Python, SQL, UNIX, dermatology, epidemiology, MS Office, Auto CAD. ©

I`m female, 30, too smart for my own good, and autistic. Among other things, that means I can`t correctly perceive emotions in other people, which means I`m vulnerable to being lied to and manipulated, particularly at work. Work was nuclear engineering, computer language design, and IT management. Bad people blamed me for their own mistakes and I didn`t even know it. At another place, I found out after it happened that the other girls told lies to get the crazy computer chick fired because they thought it was funny. I`m almost certain that I`m neurologically unable to hate. Or feel jealousy or revenge or rage. You may think this is a blessing, but I`m pretty sure it`s not. You see, I can`t feel love either. To me, love is sex. I really can`t see how it can be anything else, and I figure everyone pretends love because their mommies told them sex was bad. After only doing it once in high school and never in college, I discovered in 2001 that I love sexual torture (the hard stuff, the nonconsensual, tied to the furniture with no food for 3 days, whipped to unconsciousness stuff). It`s stimulating and forces me to feel emotions. I love it so much that it got me committed to a mental hospital (which is where I found out I`m a savant and autistic). But I can`t love another person in a romantic way, and that has made some people very sad. When grownups see what they lost in people like me, it reminds them of what they were and how beautiful it was and how much the sadness hurt when they abandoned trust and love. I remind them of the horror they both and accepted and created when they stopped being like me and became the horror instead. And since sadness and anger are really both the same emotion expressed differently, they get angry, and they want to kill love in other people. That`s part of their sickness. If they don`t, then they have to feel it themselves-- the horrible, horrible sadness of being forced to abandon the only thing that`s really important: what they once felt but think that can never feel again. Finally I couldn`t stand normal people anymore and abandoned so-called humanity and have lived in the woods for 3 years in my cave. A half-buried a tent in a ditch next to the interstate, covered with layers of plastic and old blankets to keep out the cold and the monsters, jacked into the power grid, hacked into the internet, I have a hot plate, a little fridge, a space heater, A/C , and festive, colored christmas lights. It`s like an Apollo capsule packed with technology, buried in dirt and sticks and leaves and topped off with a delicious chocolate coating of bird and squirrel crap. I hear them scurrying around on top of it, and that`s one of the things that made living in here so wonderful. Here`s pictures of the inside and with me in it: tiny url d0t com slash kanecave ♥, -faye kane homeless brain ©